Today’s “Modern Lady” is the counterpart of a true Gentleman with Authentic Swagger. She knows how to behave, speak, and hold a position at all times. She leads with certainty and authenticity.

Re-fine-ment means to improve, enhance, polish…to free or become free of what is course or uncouth… to make improvements by making subtle changes. Learning and applying our knowledge and using good manners refine us. Manners include etiquette and form; rules that set a standard for human behavior and an established manner of doing or saying something (can you imagine if we didn’t have rules and established ways of doing certain things in society), however, rules themselves can sometimes be adjusted, refined as times passes, even changed. Every woman or girl, regardless of her profession, chosen life direction or calling could greatly benefit from being educated and taught the importance of good manners and proper etiquette, which go hand in hand.

Etiquette is about using our manners (behaviors) so we are comfortable with our self and have the ability to make those around us feel comfortable as well. It’s about knowing the rules and knowing when it’s okay to break them so we don’t humiliate our self or others. When we are authentic, knowledgeable, gracious, thoughtful, and kind, other people are attracted to us.

Have you ever seen a woman whose appearance was extremely pleasing to behold? She may have been fabulously dressed and very beautiful. That is, until she opened her mouth to speak, at which time you discovered her words were out of sync and incongruent with her visual appearance (her look), and her manners were even worse.

The “Modern Lady’s” manners always match the way she is dressed and the way she wants others to know her… It’s her personal brand.

I can’t count the times I’ve witnessed beautiful women of all ages who’ve lost their manners (in personal and professional situations), or perhaps they never acquired them in the first place. What about a beautifully dressed woman in feminine attire who walks, sits and speaks like an unrefined man? In almost all instances this can be redirected, shifted and changed through refinement. Today, so many just don’t know they are behaving inappropriately or projecting a “split image.” They must be taken aside in a gentle, loving and motherly way and educated—femininely and authentically. Those of us who do refer to ourselves as a lady must pass it on.

We are a society who seems to have forgotten that young boys and girls must be trained in regard to the finer points of life and how to be a gentleman and modern lady. It is not only the responsibility of the mother to teach little girls how to become modern ladies… it is the responsibility of every woman who calls herself a modern lady. If it is not being demonstrated at home, or for whatever reasons many girls aren’t getting proper training, then we must provide the proper training and resources to “form” young women and girls into modern ladies and women who can hold a position authentically, femininely and powerfully.

I personally thank my Aunt Anita and her girlfriends for choosing to participate in my education and formation of becoming a modern lady.

Chloé Taylor Brown